Joke 1
Two blondes decided to split a can of Diet Coke.
One blonde opened the can and carefully poured half into her own glass, then half into her friend’s glass.
Before throwing the can away, she paused and read the label.
“Only one calorie per can,” she said.
The other blonde frowned and stared at the two glasses.
“Huh,” she said slowly.
“I wonder which glass has the calorie.”
Joke 2
A man walks into a bar and orders a vodka and Coke.
The bartender serves him.
The man finishes it and orders another.
Then another.
After a while, the man starts slowing down.
The bartender asks, “Everything okay, sir?”
The man sighs. “I had a huge argument with my wife. She says she won’t speak to me for a month. I have to sleep on the sofa.”
The bartender nods sympathetically.
“Best thing to do is stop drinking, go home, and don’t let it drag on. Nip it in the bud.”
The man shakes his head.
“You don’t understand,” he says.
“This is the last night.”
Joke 3
A blonde pulls into a gas station, gets out of her car, opens the hood, and checks the oil.
After a few seconds of serious thought, she removes the dipstick and walks over to the attendant.
“Excuse me,” she says, “can I buy a longer dipstick?”
The attendant blinks. “Why do you need a longer one?”
She holds up the stick.
“Because this one isn’t long enough to reach the oil.”
